Here is a piece I published in BoomerLitMag back in the first Trump administration, which seems like a million years ago now. The references are outdated, so I’ll take you a ways down memory lane, but the point is as relevant today as it was then. These are difficult times, and we need to keep our balance, remembering the lessons we’ve learned from the past, and it makes sense to keep reminding ourselves of what is important.
On Social Media
Recently, I went on a mini-campaign, telling friends I’d be going off social media until after the 2018 midterms. Too much nonsense going on there. Too many blowhards. Too mean. The level of discourse there can be pretty dismal and who really wants to wade into all that?
My idea met with universal support.
“Yeah. Great idea!” people said. “Maybe I’ll sign off, too. It's ugly out there.”
I am writing this shortly after two especially vexing events. One is the outcry over Sarah Huckabee Sanders being asked to leave the Red Hen restaurant. Those of us nauseated by her distortions and lies from the White House podium reacted with glee, with the belief that she got what was coming. That's one-half of us. The reaction from the other half? Whining that she was victimized by "the mob," which, in a sense, she was. Nothing meaningful was gained from any of it. A restrained, "We know who you are and we are appalled by having to serve you," or some similar comment followed by proper but cold service would not have so clearly ceded the moral high ground.
The other event was the murder of five workers at The Capitol Gazette newspaper in Annapolis, Maryland. In the present climate, it is not difficult to imagine that labeling journalists "the enemy of the people" by those in high places contributed to what happened--and that the same could happen to you if you said the wrong thing in some public forum.
In truth, we’d all rather confine our discussions to people who mostly agree with us. We prefer to harden our own silos and stay safe.
On reflection, though, I think keeping your head down and staying safe and unbothered is a truly lousy idea.
Social media, like it or not, is a virtual public square. It’s a busy, crazy place like a market gathering of jugglers, buskers, street preachers, and caricaturists amid the produce and consumer goods. We all know the nasty trolls, the food shots, the latest political satire, and, yes, the Kardashians and cats. We also know that the alogrhythem business model herds us into ideological echo chambers. Yes, social media continues to be a tool used to manipulate us, but, since it is not going away, each participant is individually responsible for recognizing and countering its nefarious effects. The good news is that tucked into all that variety, just like in any marketplace, there are indeed corners where we can sit down and have a serious, respectful discussion. Our job is to find those places and initiate those discussions.
Besides, do we really want to walk away and leave our rightful place in the public square to some loud-mouthed know-it-all spewing venom and lies? Do we really want to let our concerns go unheard?
I hope your answer is, “Of course not!”
Which raises the question of how to engage and with whom.
The brother-in-law posting the most recent Fox News misinformation should be ignored. The two of you have never agreed about much of anything anyway, and chances are your world views are not going to change. Likewise for the tone-deaf ex-buddy from high school who is too dense to see through his own racism but still happily proclaims, “I’m not a racist, but. . .” These are people with whom you have some kind of fraught emotional relationship. Don’t bother. Don’t be tempted to respond to friends and family who come across like this. Don't take the bait. And don’t engage with obvious trolls or cranks you see as you scroll through your feed. Don’t add to their click score.
You are obviously looking for productive conversations, for opportunities to respond in polite, factual terms. A certain carefulness is called for. Things go wrong when we forget, sometimes even when we remember. During the 2016 presidential primaries, for example, I became increasingly annoyed by a friend’s repeated sharing of obviously misleading or clearly false stories that we now know were likely coming out of Russian and Macedonian troll factories. Anyone who had followed the careers of the candidates targeted would have seen immediately that the stories were lies, but my friend was a newly converted political activist, full of passion and self-assurance. My self-satisfied, superior comment on one of her postings was written in anger and haste, and it hurt her feelings, a result I never intended. We’ve barely spoken since. Nothing is gained by ending communication with a well-meaning, intelligent person.
My friend was passionate and misinformed, not unthinking. Others are simply wrong-headed. Antifa comes to mind here as I remember that not everybody on my side of the political spectrum is reasonable. Like the Weather Underground and any number of radical groups before them, they are playing right into the hands of those who would crush opposition. Tyrants love these people. If they don't exist, tyrants create them. The agent provocateur is on Page One of the tyrant's handbook and Antifa is just the spot to place one. Though the chances of Antifa and the like actually agreeing to listen are slim, it is nevertheless important to try to engage them in friendly discussion.
Doing so is tricky because it's easy to scare off both friends and opponents. Common sense precautions are in order, mostly about your own behavior. Do a second or even third draft, fact checking yourself at Snopes or some other reputable site before hitting Send. You want to be sure of your information and you want a respectful conversation, not a crushed, belittled, or angry respondent. Tone is important. You want to state your position and why you hold that position--but without coming across as a self-righteous, mansplaining ass.
Nor do you want to come across as a rage-filled zealot with delusions that you are somehow God’s appointed avenging angel. Avoid righteous wrath, which feels good to write, but usually only widens the chasm between the extremes. Think and revise and think again before hitting Send. To paraphrase Eleanor Roosevelt, it is not necessary that we all love one another, but we should at least try to be polite.
Sure, it's easy to make a case for outrage, for nose-to-nose, bare-fisted confrontation, and, yes, there are indeed times for that. But adding to the hatred and anger growing in our present political discourse can only further divide us. History affords us plenty of examples of societies blowing apart, and we do not live outside of history.
None of this is to say that we need to round off all the edges to what we post or that we need to bend over backwards to be nicey-nice to someone we consider an ignoramus. And staying out of the discussion, keeping our heads down, will only put us on our backs eventually. There will always be a place for intelligent political satire and for sharp argument. From time to time feelings will be hurt.
Though it might sound old fashioned, even quaint, it’s always best to start with Michelle Obama’s “When they go low, we go high.” Democracies can only endure if citizens agree to disagree (mostly) civily.
Revise that first angry or condescending rough draft, and as you do so, make your appeal to our better angels, not to the lowest common denominator.
You will sometimes fail at holding your temper. Let's face it, much of what we see going on is deplorable. Make your voice heard. Do not be silent. Do not leave the field. Stay engaged. Civily.
Enjoyed reading this