Writing As Daily Meditation

The Six Paramitas: Generosity and Morality, Part 4

As far as I can remember, I learned the Six Paramitas first from Lama Pema, too, but since then I’ve encountered them many times in teachings and reading. What I will write here will likely contradict or diverge from some of what is out there on the subject. It should be clear that I am not interested in simply repeating what I have heard in teachings or read in books. A meditation practice is a living, evolving thing. We all come away with our own take, however unorthodox.

So. Here are the six: 1. Generosity, 2. Morality, 3. Patience, 4. Courage, 5. Mindfulness, 6. Wisdom. These are the virtues to be cultivated and that I believe can guide us, through cause and effect, toward positive choices and, over time, help us live down our mistakes. Taken together, they can make us kinder. If we all practiced them earnestly, well, the world might be… You get the idea.

Generosity

Some time ago, revisiting what has been written about the paramitas, I read an online explanation of generosity that I frankly found wacky. The writer went on and on and on about how to practice generosity you had to give all your belongings away. Just give it all away! Really? Isn’t Buddhism also known as the Middle Way?

I remember the Zen story of the simple monk in his hut who is visited by a thief looking for something to steal and finds nothing. Out of pity, the monk gives him his clothing. It’s all he had. As the thief leaves, the monk looks up at the night sky and says, “If only I could have given him that beautiful moon,” or some such thing. It’s a lovely story. It speaks to a deep appreciation of simplicity and beauty and, more importantly, to a generosity of heart. The monk is fearlessly receptive to the thief. He doesn’t chase the “bad guy” away. But the core of his generosity is not his giving his clothing away. That’s only the outward manifestation. The core is his fearless receptivity to his visitor. It is his open heart. 

So how do we exercise generosity of heart in our everyday lives? Do we give away all our belongings until we are reduced to going house to house with a begging bowl? Do we all become monks and nuns? Well, maybe some of us do, but the vast majority of us will not do that.

Open heartedness makes way for the effortless giving and receiving at the core of generosity.   

But being open hearted is scary. It makes us vulnerable.

Like many of us, my life experience has conditioned me to be wary of certain kinds of people. Call this one of my demons. People who seem too smooth, too socially practiced, maybe who have had the best in education and privilege—such people put me on my guard. What are they thinking behind that mask? How are they judging me? I look for cracks in the façade. Any hint of peevishness or disdain. And these are not the only times I close myself up and stand back. It often feels safer to close up shop emotionally. I often cannot find the courage to receive the emotion others offer me. Being offered a material gift often puts me on my guard. What indebtedness will follow?

This fear-based closed-heartedness is the opposite of generosity.

An old friend from my time in India, Lama Tsega, liked to pat his round belly and say, “You have to have GUT to be a Buddhist! It takes GUT!” By which he meant a fearlessly open heart.

I’m working on it, old friend! I’ve given away lots in time and money and effort and care, but I’m not so sure my heart is as open as might be good for me and the people in my life.

Morality

Ah, morality. To do no harm? To do only good? What is it, really?

We’ve all seen people bent on “doing good in the world” making a mess of their interference in other people’s lives. Rooting around in their neighbor’s emotional junk drawer. The sanctimonious do-gooder. The busybody friend. The missionary showing no respect for the ancient beliefs of those he aims to convert. There is only one truth and he has it. It’s all so painful to witness.

Then the other end of the stick. Reckless people doing harm. They always seem to rationalize their actions. The Trumps of the world. “Everybody is corrupt, so why not me? Grab it while you can.” The poor boy robbing a grocery store. “I’m shut out of the world, so let it burn down.”

Buddhist teachers talk about moral speech, action, and livelihood. The first two of these are more often than not spoken of in terms of what to avoid. Since my mouth is sometimes an unguided missile, speech is a tough one for me. My family culture celebrates the quick retort, the cutting witticism. We laugh and send each other admiring looks when one lands. But, having been on the receiving end of as many of these as I’ve delivered, I know they sting. And, worse, they can stay with you for years. Maybe it would be better if I limited the number and range of these darts. Maybe that would be a decent place for me to begin.

What actions to avoid include killing, stealing, and sexual misconduct. The prohibition against killing does not come up in my daily practice, thank goodness. Stealing and sexual misconduct are obvious actions to avoid, though they are also widely represented in the daily catalogue of common sins. Stealing would have to include cheating in business, which I can honestly say I’ve never done. Losing my temper, being impatient, and sometimes being too distant dogs my heels. They need work. A discussion of past sexual misconduct is one many men, myself included, would find embarrassing. To maintain your present integrity, it is helpful to remember the consequences of your past lapses.

Right Livelihood is inseparable in my mind from the idea of the Good Life, about which I may write more some day. For this discussion, I’ll just say that my belief has always been that the work we do in the world should make some kind of positive contribution. Work is best that benefits more than only ourselves. “Just making a living,” some people will answer when you ask them what they are up to. Okay, I suppose, but we need more than bread. And, to be fair, many people probably undervalue what they contribute through their work. You don’t have to be saving the world to be practicing right livelihood. The cheerful receptionist may change the office atmosphere through the energy he or she projects. We find our spirit in all sorts of places.

We are called to a dharma, and to be “called” suggests that our work speaks to us. It connects us to that which is greater than ourselves. Name it what you like. God. The Greater Good. Mother Earth. The Social Contract. No matter. It is greater than yourself, and your work brings you closer to it.

As with everything I am writing in these meditations, this is all incomplete. Buddhism Light. I have no final answers or definitions. It does seem to me, however, that to live an ethical life means we allow ourselves to be part of something greater than ourselves. “Only connect,” wrote E. M. Forster. Only connect.